Looking at all of this is the most important thing that keeps me from reaching out and “fixing it” because it just opens up for further attacks.It is so hard, no parent is perfect, but I do believe in positive statements – like “I was a good parent”.
I doubt you are.
Maybe your daughter says, “You never do anything for me!” as you’re en route to the store to buy her more soccer equipment. She then put up a wall of silence and l wont hear from her for weeks or months. “hold her hand this way not like that”. I left home when I was 18 to work and then later went to college when I could afford it. But one thing I can tell you is to stop apologizing and belittling yourself with insecurities.
It was sometimes really difficult to be genuinely unguarded, genuinely connected with my daughter in the therapist’s office, in what often felt like an unsafe, negative environment. A narcissistic teen will assume other people’s behaviors are somehow related to her. Painful, but helpful to see that, again, we aren’t the only ones going through these difficult times. It was a very one-sided relationship, which really wasn’t a relationship. So this is what I have learned about narcissistic tendencies.Now, there are degrees of narcissism, but I feel most of this fits my daughter. It is when I wonder about everything concerning my estrangement from my daughter (38 years old) and therefore my grandchildren for a number of months now. I’ve been hanging around for a few months, now.My heart hurts for you: it’s evenings that were just awful for me. Until then, like many of us here, mothering, to me seemed a privilege, not a job. I did my best but loved and think I spoiled my kids… I truly have learned a lot and still tyring to be a mom and not a parent. These selfish kids of ours, who can just throw these words like ‘toxic’ around to justify their temper tantrums when they don’t get their own way actually are not worth the pain. My therapist is working with me about NOT reaching out (I have spent my life apologizing for things I have done, not done, or just how they feel). Assign duties, like emptying the dishwasher, cooking family meals, and vacuuming common areas of the home. If your teenage daughter is a bit self-absorbed, you’re not alone. As mothers we no doubt contribute to it. No more pain and suffering !My daughters are educated, homeowners, with 6 figure incomes. I finally realized I cant fix them but I can fix me.As far as I know, there’s no “cure” for narcissism. Instead, the idea that the world—and everyone in it—revolves around her is often just a phase.
It’s sad to know our EC act this way.First, I want to say I am so sorry that you are facing estrangement, it is a horrible thing. I really don’t think he’s being helpful at all, not in the face of EC who are as entrenched as the children we speak of on here. The rest of my family still thinks he is a wonderful guy and have made me the scapegoat. My self respect and self worth grew once I realized who I was dealing with instead of hoping and thinking I had the power to fix someone else. The phone is the only way to talk to him about my feelings… So I get punished now with not hearing or seeing about my grandsons.. Teens are still actively building empathy skills too. Whether she takes violin lessons or joins a service club, healthy activities can help her feel good about herself.
So far I manage to go week by week of not trying to “fix it” (thanks to my weekly counselling session).Welcome, welcome to a place of healing. In the same calm matter tell her how unfair it was to bamboozle you with your other daughter. By the way, “Toxic Parent” is the new buzz word that give these little brats validation for cutting out a parent to avoid taking responsibility for their own crappy behavior or lack of respect.Visit this site often, share your feelings and get the feedback from others who have lived this nightmare for years and have learned how to live a full life despite being thrown away from a selfish “adult” child.I am so sorry you are going through this.
I wish for your mornings to get better, too. Pulling away, detaching is very hard. I am not so sure, this maybe be forever and I had to think about the implications. My daughter kicked me out of her life with no warning.
It took me several years and my husband even longer to decide we won’t be manipulated and controlled by mean spirited people, even our EC, any longer. But I want to hear if others are learning how to pull away from a narcissistic adult daughter or son. Your daughter is indicating to the world that you are basically a bad person. One of the best ways to deal with a narcissistic teenage daughter is to make her responsible for her behavior. You being up something that many here can relate to.
So when a friend doesn’t call her back, she might assume her friend is mad at her.
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